Just six days ago, I opened for Mike; played a thirty minute set of originals. It’s odd how quickly the perspective one takes on life changes, in a matter of minutes, seconds, in every look and every word. The praise still amazes me, so much so that all I could say all night, and all of this week, was a messy tangle of thank yous and blushing cheeks. And I finally see it, making a living making music will never be to me about fame and fortune, image and manufacturing, but it is about what people feel, it’s about how a song can shake your core, leave you speechless, breathless even, it’s about how music can move us, bring us to our knees.
The boy looks at me after in a way that makes me feel things I still can’t quite comprehend. He tells me that there is a seldom seen side of me that surfaces when the spotlight is on, devoid of all the wellknown subtlety and evasiveness, singing of such uninhibited things. I was though, without a doubt, still the shy, nervous girl that always is, but what surprises even me is how quickly I assumed such vulnerability in front of a crowd full of strangers who barely knew my name. Perhaps it is both my blessing and my curse, that I will never quite know how to say the words that need to be said, so I will sing them instead.
My roads are diverging, and one side is becoming more and more tempting. I wish I knew what to do, the choice gets harder every minute I wait. Perhaps I should learn the notion of que sara sara, perhaps the future’s not mine to see, perhaps the wait will bring greater things, perhaps choices will get more complicated, perhaps it will become easy; perhaps this, perhaps that – perhaps in between.