Today was orientation, another reminder of my awkwardness in social settings. It is amusing how self-conscious I am in front of people I don’t know, and I sometimes have these out-of-body experiences where I watch myself in a room full of people, alone. And it would be bearable, alright even, if only people didn’t watch me too and feel bad for me, because that is the worst part, the pity talk is always the worst part. And so maybe this is why I wish I were a better conversationalist, the kind with anecdotes and wit and charm, the kind of person people want to talk to, but then again, I am okay with the silence as long as no one is trying to fill it. The pity talk is always the worst part.
The internet is amusing, isn’t it? It allows us to feel so connected to the world, we share our ideas, our amusements, our thoughts, our lives even, strange how we should sometimes feel comfortable sharing all things personal with a web full of strangers, maybe the some ones we don’t even acknowledge on the streets. I lost my black sweater today, my favourite black sweater, and I don’t know when I became so attached to it but it truly upset me when I discovered it lost. Perhaps it wasn’t the sweater I was upset about but the idea that I am now physically missing the things I love as well.
I have been thinking about holidaying, basking in the sun on a beach somewhere, sipping frozen margaritas, sagria or mojitos, lazing with a paperback and thinking about nothing. And in accordance, I am surfing the internet dreaming about completely unaffordable (for me) vacation spots to be in.
Beautiful as with many in the Polynesian Islands, I am still very much in love with the idea of villas over water. I also am very much in love with the little glass covered coffee table through which you can view (or feed!) the aquatic life beneath your very own floorboards.